“I didn’t have any friends going up. The reality was that I was a social outcast and a loner. Because of this, I relied on video games and pornography as an escape from the world and for affirmation. If I had to make a conservative estimate, I probably spent roughly 10,000 hours playing video games.
“I saw college as my chance to reinvent myself. However, I became consumed by what others thought of me, leading to crippling anxiety and self-ridicule after awkward social interactions. I was a slave to what I thought others thought of me. To silence my internal dialogue, I constantly blasted music through my headphones. My struggle with pornography worsened in college, and I also turned to alcohol and marijuana as constants in my life.
“All I wanted to do after college was to get a job in Austin. I applied for many jobs, but the only jobs I was offered were in Dallas. In the grand scheme of things, I see now it was the Lord moving me to where he wanted me.
“Despite people trying to share the gospel with me, I shut them down and was annoyed by their invitations to church events. I reluctantly attended The Porch, Watermark's weekly gathering for young adults, but I would ridicule the speaker and pridefully fact-check every message I heard. My heart was so cold.
“Later that year, when I got together with some friends for a New Year’s celebration, one friend asked me about my new year goal. Normally, that question is so easy for me to answer, but for some reason, that day, I realized I didn’t have an answer. For me, that question hit me so deeply. I couldn’t answer it. I contemplated what my answer could be for almost an entire week.
“In that week, I started to realize I had a great paying job, a girlfriend, and a sports car, the stock portfolio, but nothing was enough. I listened to a message from The Porch that discussed finding your identity in Christ. While observing Christians seem so oddly joyful, I became curious to learn about Jesus, and eventually, I started reading the Bible.
“I read the books of Matthew and Romans and started to understand the gospel––‘for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith (Romans 2:23-25).’
“After surrendering my life to Christ, I decided to become a member and slowly began serving in Watermark Kids and participating in re:generation, Watermark’s biblical recovery ministry. I began to learn what it looked like to live like an actual follower of Christ and how to deal with the pain of my past. Through this process, the Lord softened my heart significantly.
“Many great relationships and friendships were built at Watermark. My friend Adam would always ask if I would apply for the Watermark Institute. I would always instantly say no, but one day. I asked my first serious question in response, ‘How much would I get paid?’
“At first, the idea of a drastic change of pay was hilarious to me. But the Lord once again softened my heart. He made it clear to me that the only reason why I wouldn’t do it was because I was so comfortable financially; ultimately, money was an idol in my life. I didn’t want to let go of my lifestyle. The Lord made it clear I needed to reevaluate my priorities and apply. I knew the Lord would open the door, but in all honesty, I didn’t want him to.
“In my first interview, I was asked what I was afraid of, and my answer was simple, ‘I’m afraid you’re going to offer me a spot in the Institute!’
“I was unsure, but it ended up being one of the most incredible times of my life, getting to be around believers who love the Lord with their hearts, souls, and minds. With this step of obedience, I was given the opportunity to abide deeply in the Lord, study his Word, and be discipled by incredible men.
“Looking back, my life didn’t go anywhere that I thought it would. I thank the Lord for that! His way is so much better than mine.
“I currently wrestle with feeling like a bad disciple because I don’t spend as much time in the Word as I once did in the Institute. But by God’s strength, I choose to trust what he says about me rather than how I feel about myself.
“Watermark the place I once hated, the people misjudged, I now call home. To God be all the glory!”
Find freedom from any struggle that has you feeling stuck with help from re:generation, Watermark’s 12-step recovery program that meets every Monday night at 6:30 PM. Learn more.