LK: We got engaged in such a fun way because Ben would take me on really special dates where he would say to make sure that I got dressed up. And so my roommate and I thought I was going to be proposed to about 30 times. And when I finally did get proposed to, I'll let you tell that story.
Ben: So I was just waiting on the ring to show up. one day it did. And it had been a while. I was like, ok, let's do this. And so we drove to the church and I proposed to her at the church. Very simply, nothing extravagant and definitely what I desired was it would be a surprise and I think it was very much so.
LK: It was so because I was wearing a t -shirt. Our engagement was short. We had a four month engagement before we got married because we knew it was time.
Ben: My parents in Oklahoma got sick. My dad fell, hit his head, had a stroke, and then it just seemed like the time to move to Oklahoma.
LK: That was a season that was incredibly, incredibly trying.
Ben: We had just had a baby. I felt like I needed to provide for the family more, and so I found myself going back to school and then having a crazy job that demanded lots of hours and without a strong community around us to speak into my life. I thought we were doing great. I thought I was doing what God was calling me to do.
LK: It was terrifying to be a mom alone in a city where I didn't know anyone. And then he was going off to further his career and his education. I struggle with people pleasing. And so I did not want him to know how difficult it was. But in reality, what I was doing was just chipping away and destroying our marriage one day at a time by not being honest with myself, with the Lord, and with Ben.
Ben: So I totally thought everything was good. And then one day she comes to me and she just says, hey, we need to have a talk. There's something I'm feeling. And I've been trying to tell you subtly, but I'm not sure you're getting it. Well, you're not getting any of the clues or any of the hints. So here's where I am.
LK: We knew about a program at our old church called re|engage. And I knew that if there was going to be any hope to us having a healthy marriage, that we had to get to one as soon as possible. So I literally told him, I need you to find a re|engage in the next 24 hours. The goal for me was for them to fix Ben. I was not aware that I in any way contributed to all the ways that our marriage had deteriorated in a very short time period.
Ben: There were some other marriage ministries that we had even gone to, some classes, and they were kind of fill-in-the-blank type of ministries.
LK: We thought we'd be studying Song of Solomon, and that is what he thought.
Ben: Yes. And we get there, they, you know, here’s some homework, do the homework, come back. And as we walked through that, sparks flew.
LK: Every question started a huge argument of things that we just did not discuss. We had put so many things, brushed them under the rug, that we had to finally address all of the issues that we had been ignoring for the last couple of years.
Ben: Very quickly and re|engage, our leaders introduced us to the concept of drawing the circle around ourself and asking God to change the person inside the circle. Because that's all we can really do.
LK: Which was really hard because we were going to re|engage for Him to be fixed. And so drawing the circle around myself and realizing my time at re|engage was not to focus on what Ben was doing, but was for me to open my heart to the Lord of what was going on in my heart.
Ben: It was again, the Lord drawing us back to himself and the truth of, hey, my relationship with Lacey wasn't the issue. It was my relationship with Him that was the real issue that I needed to work through. And Lacey was just a megaphone for that in that season.
LK: I think the Lord that we had the blessing of just really reuniting again and just setting our hearts on Him.
Ben: Three months after finishing re|engage, daughter and I are making breakfast and I go in to wake up LK and say, hey, honey, it's time to get up. And it's just met with silence and just very confused, very disoriented. Go to her again, touch her and she's just like really stiff. And so didn't understand what was going on. Continue to try to communicate with her. And I could see that she could hear me. I see a tear running down her eye as she's laying down, so I can know that she can hear me, but I have no idea what's going on.
LK: To wake up and not be able to move anything, but to be fully aware is one of the most terrifying experiences that I've ever had. Got to spend 18 months going back and forth to different doctors who are vertices specialists and finally found the doctor who was aware of my disease and diagnosed me with a rare neurological condition called Stiff Person Syndrome, which was a relief in a way, but also now it had a name and I knew that it wasn't going away.
Ben: I realized that God was calling me to be a leader in the home, not just of areas that I thought I was created to be, which is the provider and the pastor and protector, but also just a servant. He says that he came to serve and not be served. And so I realized in every aspect of my life, I need to focus on serving my family first.
LK: And I can't imagine us going through that without going through re|engage.
Ben: It strengthened our faith in a way that it needed to be strengthened for this season that we're still going through now. And we're grateful to the Lord for the ministry.
LK: I would never want to go back to the marriage that we had. I don't regret anything that the Lord has brought into our lives. I truly believe Romans 8:28; that He brings together all these things for our good. And that's not to say that it hasn't been difficult, that there haven't been sleepless nights, that there haven't been prayers, honest prayers to the Lord, but they've been prayers that we've done together instead of apart. I thank God for the fact that Ben is my husband. I thank God that we have beautiful, healthy children. This is not just a marriage. God put us together. He had a plan for this and...
Ben: And He didn't get it wrong.
LK: He didn't get it wrong.
