What Does the Bible Say About Listening?

Well, it started last Christmas. My wife was seated on the floor just like I am right now. She finished unwrapping her gift, and then she simply stood up from this position. She didn't use her hands, didn't lean to one side or the other. She just stood up. You may be sitting there right now going, "Well, how hard is that?" That's how I felt. Someone commented to her and said, "Wait, wait, wait. Rebecca, do that again."

She was like, "Okay." She sat down, and she got up. I was like, "I could do that." So I sat down like this, and then I went, "Wait a minute. How did she do that?" I didn't even know which muscles to use to get up from here. I was stuck. I always have to do this, and that's cheating. You can go home and try it, and you'll see how hard it is. It's difficult. I just assumed I'd be able to do it.

What is one skill everyone needs, assumes they already have, but desperately needs to work on? What do you think is one skill everyone needs, assumes, "Oh, I've got that," but everyone desperately needs to work on? This morning, I'm going to talk to you about cultivating a listening life. Yes, this is for you.

Everyone assumes they have it, but everyone needs to work on it. Here's the reality. Most of you took classes, probably in middle school or high school or college, learning how to communicate, speech communications, standing up and giving a talk, a message, on different subjects, but probably very few of us ever took a class that taught us how to listen.

One author said, "It's striking that high schools and colleges have debate teams and courses in rhetoric and persuasion but seldom, if ever, classes or activities that teach careful listening. You can get a doctorate in speech communication and join clubs like Toastmasters to perfect your public speaking, but there's no comparable degree or training that emphasizes and encourages the practice of listening."

Listening, I believe, will transform your life and your relationships, and if we are going to be a Bible-revering church, then we certainly need to learn how to listen. So, this morning we're going to talk about three things. We're going to see, first, that listening is essential; secondly, that listening is hard; then, thirdly, listening is learned.

1. Listening is essential. What's it essential for? It's essential to our relationship with the Lord. Time and time again throughout Scripture, we see an emphasis on the priority of listening where God calls his people to listen. Deuteronomy 6:4-5: "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might."

Psalm 81:13: "Oh, that my people would listen to me, that Israel would walk in my ways!" Matthew 17:5: "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him." John 10:27: "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." I could give you verse after verse after verse. That's the theme you see throughout Scripture from Genesis to Revelation. It's what all 17 prophetic books are about. "Oh, if my people would only listen."

Listening is essential to our relationship with the Lord. Not just simply hearing but listening. Biblically speaking, what's the Lord calling us to? Not just to hear to take in information but to trust and obey, to respond to it. That's the central message of what Jesus shares in Matthew 7:24-27 in the Sermon on the Mount. You've heard this before.

"Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."

The Lord is calling us not just to take in information but to listen and obey and to trust him. We spend time reading God's Word, hearing the proclamation of God's Word, studying God's Word, not just for increased information or knowledge but for transformation. We don't want to become just smarter sinners; we want to be more fully obedient and responsive to God's will.

I happen to be blessed to be married to a wife who loves to cook. If you love to cook, you can imagine there are a lot of cookbooks in our kitchen. I can appreciate the fact that we have a lot of cookbooks that take up a lot of room, but you know what? That's all right. Could you imagine how weird it would be to have a lot of cookbooks in your house but not like to cook? "Hey, what are you doing right now?"

"I'm just looking through all of these recipes."

"Great. What do you think you'll make?"

"Oh, I hate cooking. I just love to take in all the information. I just love the recipes. In fact, I memorized this recipe."

"Awesome. What are you going to do with it?"

"Eh, just store it."

That seems pretty absurd. Right? So, when we come to God's Word, the goal is never to take in more information just to listen for information's sake but to apply it to our lives. That's what the Lord is calling us to do. Listening is essential to an abiding relationship with the Lord. It's also essential to our relationship with others. You don't need me to tell you that. Nonetheless, Scripture reminds us of this over and over again.

Proverbs 18:13: "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame." Notice the priority on listening. You should hear, seek first to understand, before you give information. James 1:19: "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger…" Let me say that one more time. Quick to speak, quick to anger, and slow to hear. Nope.

Everyone is to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Why? Because listening helps us, first, to model humility. We're called to clothe ourselves with humility. We're not going to do that well if we don't listen well. Secondly, listening helps us show respect for other people, to gain understanding, to resolve conflict, and quite simply, listening is one of the most loving things you could do. To listen well is to love well.

Could you imagine what would happen within your marriage, your family, your Community Groups, or your workplace if listening became a greater priority? Not where people are sitting still, being quiet, waiting for everybody to finish speaking so they can talk. No. Truly, genuinely listening. Could you imagine what would happen if the church became a place not just known for its message but for its ability to listen? I think we'd become a place of healing and understanding. I think more people would be drawn to the salt and light that Christ calls us to be.

I'll never forget. When I was in high school, I was dating this girl, and we were at dinner. We hadn't seen each other in a while, and I was talking and talking and talking and talking. She waited and waited and waited. Then I remember her looking at me and saying, "Hey, Blake, are you going to ask me a question?" I mean, ouch. Right? For your date to look at you and go, "Are you going to ask me a question?" I've never forgotten that. That was in high school. I'm 52 years old, and I remember what my high school girlfriend said to me.

It was important, and it's something I need to come back to time and time again. What she was saying was, "Hey, if we're going to have a relationship with each other, it can't be just you talking all the time. Ask a question." That may seem obvious to you, but trust me. It would be appreciated by those who live with you. Ask questions. Take the time to listen.

Listening is essential in our relationship with the Lord, it's essential in our relationship with others, and listening is essential to our emotional well-being. Now, this may stretch you a little bit, but I want you to stick with me. The role emotions play has been the subject of debate all the way back to the Greek philosophers. Plato described us as charioteers, if you will, with two competing horses riding right along in front of us, reason and emotion.

Think about stoicism. We still use that language. The stoics wanted to make our feelings and our emotions something that we not necessarily suppress but live outside of and not let them get the most of us. Augustine distinguished between ordered and disordered emotions. Darwin believed emotions were a part of the evolutionary process, that they helped us to survive. Freud spoke of the id, the ego, and the superego, how our emotions play along in that.

Today's culture just tells you to follow your heart. "If it feels good, do it." Society, philosophers, and church fathers have had a lot to say about the role of emotions, but sadly, largely, within the church, at least in the evangelical church in the tradition I have grown up in, emotions were not something that were really ever discussed.

When I was going through school, I was part of Campus Crusade for Christ. They had a little booklet called The Four Spiritual Laws. At the back of that booklet was this little illustration of a train. Now, I'm going to date myself a little bit. How many of you have ever seen this train? All right. There are about 10 of us. Perfect.

The point of the train, which originally, I think, was a really good one, was "Hey, look." And this is a positive aspect of this illustration. "We can't base our lives on fleeting emotions." Okay. I get that. That's helpful. You want to know what the facts are. Our faith is in the facts of the gospel. We're not driven by our feelings. That's helpful.

But negatively, what I walked away with was dismissing the healthy role emotions play, to not really consider emotions, to just drive on, press on, and not be attentive to, "Hey, why do I feel the way I do right now? Why do I battle anxiety? Why do I have fear? What's behind the joy I feel right now or the sadness I feel? Why do I feel irritable?"

May I suggest to you that if you read throughout Scripture, you'll see time and time again that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit experience and express emotion. We see God the Father throughout Scripture… Psalm 16 says, "In his presence there is fullness of joy." With the Son, we see often that he looks upon the crowds and feels compassion. We even learn later in the book of Ephesians that it's possible for us to grieve the Holy Spirit.

We see that God is a God who has emotion, and we are created in his image with emotions, but because of our sin, our emotions are ill-formed and often disordered. So, we're not to just follow our hearts and if it feels good, do it. Instead, we must understand and educate our emotions. I just want you to think about how our emotions have an impact on those around us, and if we're not attentive, everyone else feels it.

Just think about the home you grew up in or maybe the home in which you live now. What is the emotional temperature of your home? What's it like to live with you because of your emotions and what they communicate? I remember my friend Gary Stroope, who worked at Watermark for a long time. His kids were older than mine. I was just starting a family, young kids at home, and he gave me a great vision for the emotional temperature I wanted to set in my home.

He said, "Blake, you want to be the kind of dad that when you come home, when your kids hear those keys go into the lock of your front door and you turn that lock and walk in, you want them to experience excitement and run to you." He goes, "That's the kind of dad I want to be, that when I come home and those keys hit that front door, they come running to me."

I remember those days. My kids don't come running to me anymore. They're a lot older. But I thought, "What a great vision of what it would be like to be a dad, where when I come home, my kids are excited to see me because I set a temperature in my home, one of joy and peace and kindness that's contagious." We have to be attentive to our emotions. Listening is essential to our relationship with God, with others, and to our emotions.

2. Listening is hard. Let's face it. Listening is hard. Do you have very many friends who do a great job of listening to you? I hope you're blessed with a few friends that when you spend time with them, you're like, "Man, for whatever reason… I could go talk to a lot of folks, but when I spend time with you, I feel like you understand me. You know how to listen." It's rare, isn't it? It's because listening is hard. There are so many things to distract us.

There are external distractions that compete for our attention. Just think about it. You can't go to a restaurant today without there being a lot of background music and noise. It makes it harder to listen. Our busyness competes for our attention. It makes it harder for us to hear. We're carrying our last meeting into our present meeting, thinking about what's coming next, because we're busy, and it distracts us from being able to hear the person who's sitting right in front of us. Listening is hard.

Of course, you don't need me to tell you that our devices, our phones, our Apple Watches, everything we carry with us that vibrates, rings, or bings… They force us to take our attention off of the person sitting right in front of us. I was at dinner last night with my family, and I saw this couple, a younger couple that looked as if they were dating. I wish I could have filmed it. For a good 10 to 15 minutes, they sat at the table, both on their phones, just like this.

I wanted to go, "Hey, guys, look at each other. Enjoy your meal. Put down your phones." I have to laugh. I live near SMU, so I'm often on that campus. At the major intersections on the campus, there are little signs in the yard that say simply, "Look up." The assumption is everybody is walking around on their phone and doing this and are about to walk out into the street. "Hey, look up." We're so distracted.

Listening is hard. Not only are there external distractions, but there are internal distractions that compete for our attention. Let's face it. At the end of the day, you're fatigued. You've done all your heavy lifting. You've done all of your to-dos. Then you come home, and there's maybe your roommate or Community Group or family or spouse or friend, and you just don't have the capacity to listen anymore.

Or maybe, if you're like me, sometimes I'm just plain selfish. I'm just waiting for that person to stop talking because I want to share. I want to be funny. I want to share something that I think is helpful, and I'm not listening. Sometimes pride keeps me from listening because I simply assume, "Hey, I know what's best in this situation." Or maybe a critical spirit. I'm quick to judge.

One author said we ought to tread carefully and gently and focus on hearing the hearts, not just the words of people in our lives. I suggest we make it our aim to listen to, not listen for. I think that's well said. Have you ever found yourself in a conversation or with a group of people or getting to know someone, and what you were doing was listening to rather than listening for? "Do these folks believe what I believe? Do I agree with them? Do they know these certain people? Do they read these authors? How do they vote? What do they think?"

Listening is hard. There are internal and external distractions that all compete for our attention, but also, listening requires a good deal of concentration and discernment. We must not only learn to listen but discern whom to listen to, because not all voices are equal. We are flooded and bombarded with information today.

It is Jesus who said, "Take care then how you hear, for to the one who has, more will be given, and from the one who has not, even what he thinks that he has will be taken away." Now, he's talking about our response to what he is sharing, but the point remains the same. We need to, as Paul says in 2 Corinthians, take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

I was explaining to my kids yesterday that I grew up in a time when there was no cable TV. There were four major networks. Really three and then a wonky kind of irrelevant network, but you largely had CBS, NBC, and ABC. America would sit down to hear their news from a man named Walter Cronkite. Some of you know who Walter Cronkite is. Others of you are like, "Hey, man, you lost me right there," just like my kids. "Who?" I go, "Yeah, his name was Walter Cronkite."

He was the anchor for the CBS Evening News for years. Here's what's remarkable about Walter Cronkite. At one point, he was regarded and revered as the most trusted man in America. We live in a different day and age. Imagine thinking a news anchor is the most trusted man in America. No, not so much. All you need today is a social media channel, a blog, a podcast, a website, and we're flooded with news and information.

So, we have to be discerning, because not every voice is equal. We have to listen. We have to concentrate and not assume what we hear or see on TV or what we read is true. Listening is essential to our relationships with each other, to the Lord, and to our emotional well-being, but it's hard. It's hard because of what distracts us. It's hard because it requires so much of us in terms of concentration and discernment.

3. Listening is learned. You can actually get better at it. First, we must learn how to listen to God. He speaks to us through all sorts of ways. Certainly, he speaks to us through his Word, through his Spirit, creation, other people, and through his providence. The Lord is speaking to us constantly throughout the day if we will just take the time to listen, but I suspect you, like me…

For so long, I would open up my Bible early in the morning, I'd read and pray, and I was like, "This is when the Lord speaks to me." Then I'd close my Bible and go throughout my day, and I was no longer listening for what he might have for me. When you live like that, you miss so much of what the Lord is communicating through the people around you, through his creation, through his providential plan. He's continually speaking.

First Thessalonians 5:17 instructs us to pray without ceasing. I think we can only understand that passage when we recognize that prayer is as much about listening as it is speaking with God. Prayer is a time where not only do we share our requests or confess or give thanksgiving, but we also take the time to listen. It's in this sense that Paul says to us, "Pray without ceasing." We must simply take the time to listen.

I would encourage you to write down these five questions. "Lord, what do you want me to know about you? What do you want me to know about your will? What do you want me to know about myself, your people, and finally, your world?" This is a really simple exercise, but you might be amazed at all the Lord teaches you throughout your day if you'll simply start your day with those five questions.

"Lord, what do you want me to know about you? Lord, help me to see what you want me to know about your will. What are you trying to show me about myself, your people, your world?" Then, if you'll take… It takes no more than 10 to 15 minutes. When you finish lunch and get into your car and go back to work, on your ride back to the office, simply ask yourself those five questions one more time. What is it he was revealing or showing to you that morning?

Then, finally, right when you go to bed, it takes no more than 10 minutes to ask, "Lord, what do you want me to know about you and your will? What are you trying to show me, your people, your world?" If you'll simply write down a thought, a sentence, a verse, or whatever it is, you'll be amazed at what you learn, the themes that are repeated, the ideas that keep coming up, if you simply take the time to listen and write it down. It's not hard. It does take intentionality.

Philip Yancey said, "Prayer is the act of seeing reality from God's point of view." Just imagine. You finish your morning, and you stop to pray and ask God to help you see reality, your morning, your day, your heart, and his world from his point of view, and then you write it down. You'll be amazed at what he's teaching you.

We must learn how to listen to God if we're going to be a Bible-revering church and the people he calls us to be, but we also must learn how to listen to others. This isn't complicated, like I said, but it is hard. I'm going to ask two friends, Wes and Ryan, to come up here. You'll stand over there, Wes. Ryan, stand right there. All I want you guys to do is illustrate a simple point.

I want you all to see it. I want you to see what a healthy conversation should look like, illustrated by tossing a tennis ball. You know, I've tossed the tennis ball. It's not that hard. Right? Now slow it down a little bit. One speaks; the other listens. One speaks; the other listens. You're like, "Man, did I come to church just to see this?" Well, maybe, because you might be this person. One speaks; the other listens. One speaks; the other listens. Now just hold it.

Have you ever been with someone…? You would think, "Hey, this is the time you pass the ball back." But how often are we in conversations where the one person holds the ball for eternity? They talk and talk and talk. They need the tennis ball illustration, because it gets awkward. So, my first point is if you want to learn how to be a better listener, toss the ball. You can simply do that by saying, "Hey, tell me more."

Also, if you want to be a better listener, remove distractions. Just put your phone down. Forget about it. I mentioned this earlier, but assume a curious and not a critical posture, a true curiosity. "Hey, I am curious what you think. What do you believe? How do you feel?" Take an interest in the person in front of you and listen for the message below the surface. Not just the words they're saying, but what are their assumptions, their values, their fears? What do you hear in what they're communicating to you?

Of all things (and this goes for everyone), as people are talking, what you don't want to be is the person who interrupts. Don't steal the ball. (Thank you, guys. I appreciate that.) Don't fix, don't interrupt, but take the time to listen. A great place to start is your family table. Whether you live with roommates, have a large or small family, or maybe it's as you meet with your Community Group, I just want you to think about your dinner table.

This is a great place to begin listening well, and it's a great indicator of the type of listeners we are. Theologically, if you were to examine what Scriptures teach, the family table, the place where we come together to have meals with one another, is a place of identity. It's a place of belonging, connection, security, and provision, yet we are so busy in today's society we hardly meet to sit and share a meal with one another.

If I may, I would love to tell young families out there one of the greatest things you could do for your family is to make the dinner table a priority. I know your kids are busy. I know they're eventually going to have homework. I know they're going to want to be with their friends. I know they're going to want to be on their devices. I know they're traveling because they're going to be the next Tom Brady quarterback.

I get all of that, but I'm just telling you, if you communicate to your kid at 4 years old that they don't have a voice and you're not willing to listen, do not be surprised that when they turn 14, they stop talking. Create a space in your home of belonging, identity, acceptance, security, and provision where all of the devices go away, and sit around that table and listen to one another. Practice it.

My kids are older now, so it's harder for us to gather, but when we do gather, usually it's on Sunday nights. We cook, and on Sunday nights, all of the distractions are outside, and we gather and sit around the table and share a meal together. I don't know what your home looks like, but I would encourage you to start there.

Then, finally, we must learn how to listen to our emotions. So, how do we do that? Well, emotions are like the dashboard on your car. Sometimes the dashboard on your car has a blinking red light. And what do we do? We ignore that sometimes. That's a lot like taking a Coke can and just shaking it and shaking it and shaking it. You know where this goes. Right? I'm going to ask one of you to come up here and open this for me.

This is what happens when we're not attentive to our emotions and are not asking God to help us inform our emotions. We're like the guy driving down the street who never stops to go, "Hey, why is that blinking?" "Why am I irritable? Why am I frustrated? Why am I sad right now? Why am I anxious in this meeting?" We just keep driving and keep driving and keep driving.

Do you know what happens? We keep shaking the can, and we wonder why, when somebody comes up and we're like, "Hey, man. Do you want to go out to dinner? Do you want to spend time with me?" they're like, "No, because I know what's about to happen. You're going to open that can." We wonder why some people shy away from us. It's because they can see it. Have you ever just been with people and been like, "Hey, man, you're angry" or "Hey, this conversation is hard" or "Why are you so upset?" We don't recognize what we're communicating.

Maybe the Lord is using those emotions to communicate something to us. If you think about it, our anger comes from hurt, which comes from an expectation that wasn't met, which often comes from a legitimate need. I'll give you an example. Maybe your anger comes from the fact that your friend didn't invite you to his or her party, so you're hurt because you weren't included. You had an expectation, if she or he is going to throw a party, certainly you'd be invited. Really, ultimately, you have a need to belong. We all have a need for belonging.

What if you just stopped and thought about, "Hey, it's okay for my friend to have other friends, and I don't have to be invited to every dinner party he or she throws. Maybe I'm just trying to find my sense of belonging and identity in what other people think and when I'm included rather than where the Lord would have me try to find it. That would be a good thing for me to discover if I take the time simply to listen."

We must understand and educate our emotions with truth. The Psalms give us a great place to start. Think about psalm after psalm after psalm. Most of them start with an expression of great emotion. Psalm 10:1: "Why, O Lord, do you stand far away?" Psalm 13:1: "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" Psalm 22:1: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?"

Time and time again, we see in the psalter the psalmist expressing great emotion, but he doesn't stop there. He informs himself with the truth of God's Word of who God is and what his Word says. Then the psalm ends with that expression of worship and trust. So, we see in the Psalms it's okay to feel emotion, but we don't stop there. We stop and consider, "Hey, what am I to learn in this moment? What am I to take away? Where is my trust?"

We remind ourselves and educate. Not just identify but educate ourselves and our emotions that we could walk in obedience. Listening is essential. It's essential to our relationships. It's also hard, but it can be learned. If I could give our church a gift today, it would be the gift to be able to listen, because it would change our lives and our relationships.

I'm going to conclude with this idea for you to consider. I want you to consider the fact that we serve a God who chooses to listen to us. Isn't that remarkable? A holy, righteous, perfect God chooses to hear our prayers and listen to us. Not only does he listen, but he invites us to his table where we find our identity, our security, our rest, our belonging, provision, and connection, and everyone is invited to that table. Everyone. Everyone in this room is invited to that table, but you have to respond to the invitation that has been sent out.

The invitation is that God demonstrates his own love for us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He doesn't ask us to clean up our lives and then we get an invitation to the table. He doesn't tell you to bring your résumé, and then maybe you can sit at the table. He says, "Receive my gift of grace, no longer relying upon yourselves, what you've done or not done, but in what my Son has done for you."

Jesus Christ lived the life we couldn't live, died the death we deserved, paid the penalty for our sin on the cross, was buried, and three days later rose again, validating all he claimed, said, and did. Today he lives, and he offers us a relationship with the Father through his broken body and shed blood, and by the power of his Spirit we can walk and know him. Do you know him? Do you listen to him? Do you want to abide with him and walk in step with his Spirit? He wants that type of relationship with you. Let's pray.

Father in heaven, I thank you that you're a God who listens. I thank you for your grace, Lord, and that by the power of your Spirit you change our hearts and give us an invitation to sit at your table. I pray we would be a listening church. I pray, Lord, that we'd be attentive to all you're trying to teach us. Lord, we thank you for your Word, your people, and this time we could share together. I pray all this in Christ's name, amen.